Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

faith in progress

Nowadays, I don't think I get enough time to just REFLECT.

So I'll do that now.

Reflecting now, I'm coming to the conclusion I don't get to just talk story with people I care about as much as I want to.  So I've concluded that through reflecting now I don't reflect enough.


But seriously, I used to get to do that every Thursday with my small group buddies from GBC.  what what, represent!

Now there's hardly any time.

But Patrick told me something today that stuck with me.

"Make time."


Today I'm going to process this idea of Faith.  The idea of believing in something that you are not sure of will happen, or exists etc.  Like, for example, believing in an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving God with no proof to prove it.

From my experience, faith has had a lot to do with this word called Attitude.  I find it suitable to bring up the fact that my choice to label myself an Atheist was the result of a half-a-year existential crisis.  It began with a simple question,

"What is the meaning of life?" 

This slowly formulated, by the doom of pure logic, into the answer,

"There is none." 

I went from slightly unstable to intensely negative.  That word, "none" just shouts bad, it almost bleeds emptiness.

Looking back, those were the darkest days of my life.  I found little enjoyment in anything, preferred to distract myself with having fun all the time, and found no lasting satisfaction in anything.  And I quickly identified the problem:

I had chosen to abandon the concept of religion.

The very idea was contrary to my very soul, it fought against my very nature of who I know who I am.

I was basically fighting myself...I cannot describe it with a metaphor.

It's like that feeling you get when you aren't doing anything, and you feel like you've got a puka in your spirit, even though everything's okay.

That's a big reason I have faith in, and trust in, God, I suppose.  Because if you think, like, if everything in this world is imperfect, but God is, then why not rely on the thing that's supposed to be perfect, and see what happens?

And as they say, our God is a faithful one.  He gets things done.

It is written that our faith overcomes the world.  In the same spirit, like those posters say on middle school bulletin boards, "Attitude is everything."  How we approach a situation totally changes everything.

I'm going to tell a story detailing that.  So...

Once upon a time,

I got really, really, really sick.  Like for no reason at all.  Well, maybe it had to do with me being malnourished, but I was really sick for just a short time, so I concluded I was getting attacked.  By something from the spiritual realm.

BUT that's another story...hehe.

The point is, I was uber SICK.  I felt like crap, but I had to go to work and rehearse for a film I'm in etc.  And that night I was planning to go to an art show my friend's were going to display art work in.  I could have, and possibly should have just went home and rested.

But I had faith that I would get better, because I've learned God won't allow us to go through more suffering than we can handle. 

But God's behavior is a different story.

Anyway, the point is, I went to the show, and I got to listen to see some art work, paintings, photographs, all really nice stuff.  But listening to the live rock band playing that night made me feel better.  And the next day, listening to the GBC worship team practice for the service made me cured!  That, and ginger tea.

The point is, I had two options:

A) Back down from the threat of illness and accept defeat and wallow in sickness

B) Fight it, and have faith to be healed in due time

With a bunch of petitions to God to heal me and with other people's prayers, I was healed.

In the bigger scheme of things, standing up to challenges was something else I learned too.

I hope you gained something from reading this.  :)




Latest Month

January 2009
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by chasethestars